I need some friends

I need some friends. Or at least to see some old ones.

I miss some of the friends I used to hang out with so God damn much.

Damn

Being a woman is not necessarily a good thing.

It's been almost a month again. And each month of this time around, I get easily irritated and feel quite insecure. I hate this feeling as my mood tends to go to a very deep dark and dangeroous place as if there's something eating me up. And every little thing can just jerk my mood up and down a lot more than usual. I really do not like this at all. This hormone is killing me soft and the people around me. I get now so over sensitive and there seems NOTHING I can do about it. I am now sitting around my colleagues yet I am thinking to myself that they just do not like me for no good obvious reason. I am pretending to listen to some my own music with my headset on and being freakingly quiet yet we all know it's just NOT me. I listened to a radio program the other day and they were talking about "if we could change the world, what would be the first thing you would like it to be different from now?" I have been trying to figure this question since then, now I guess I might just go AIN'T NO MALE AND FEMALE DIFFERENCES. So maybe this could ease my emotional pain.

I am thinking, quite seriously these days, is there really, really NO real friendship around offices? Are our colleagues just like what they often say, " Passengers on the same bus we meet."? I know a lot of the time I am quie naive and innocent but deep down I do believe that some people are good hearted. And of course I know every bright side comes along with a dark one as well. Just not everyone is bad nor completely good I mean. More like a twilight zone, that grey area. But I guess doesn't matter where we go, people will never change, we like to have our little own circle just to make us feel cozy and safe on the inside. So for those who were left out just feel isolated and unwanted. I am afraid right now by the effect of the female hormone I can not really tell you whether I am IN the circle or OUT of it or maybe just something in between.

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After we moved in to this current new house, I've been having quite a lot of "deja vu". I am not too sure of it's a good or bad sign. Yet one thing I am positive of is that I like this place day after day. Like Andrew said, "it's a very funtional place." Yes, it's really quite spacey and just because it was decoraed by the slightly different house modeling. I especially enjoy the view where we can just look much further out to other natural plain space rather than just some other ugly man made concrete walls from before. And the windy environment also makes the mopped floor and clothes dry up so quickly.

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Tonight our website designer, Ethan, is coming to talk the 3rd time of the website constructure. I guess it would be a quite promising project to our future. We both feel quite up to it.

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Paper Tiger

Paper tiger, as my title appears, has been an quite interesting subject manner for me to think about these days. Due to some consequences I am not too sure of what, but my colleagues started to call me a Paper Tiger-litterally means that I am only good at bluffing. Then I started to call my husband to be, Andrew, a paper tiger as well as he is often only screaming to the crazy drivers on the roads when he's mad.

Interesting.

What is your opinion of a REAL PAPER TIGER?

Can you believe it?

I've heard some people say that because a person is born in any a particular season then that person is mentally and even physically attached to that season. For me, it's quite factual. Every year in fall, I always get emotional and sentimental. It does not matter where I am, who I am with, what I do or what age I am, I simply get a sentimental feeling. There's always such a place deep within me that isolates myself from the crowded world, and in that place I can just talk to myself. No bullshit from interactions with others, no stress from reality. It's a place I call the 'REAL ME'. I can be a quiet girl, a noisy girl, and above all, just to be innocent like the way I have always been. It's really pure, clean, and peaceful place; a place that cannot physically exist.

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