Pondering

I have only ever seen extra terrestrials, aliens if you like, in sci-fi movies. Yet, I think they are all right out there, watching us Earthlings who call ourselves smarties. Perhaps, they watch us like a drama of Earth's developing history and things like that. I can not help but wonder, though, What perspective and how they all look at the earthlings? Let me be specific, WHAT DO THEY REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT WE ARE DOING TO OUR PLANET? Everyday now I read the news about global warming, about how we fellow humans are killing other living species into extinction and, how selfish we all are to one another. I have to say, I do not have any moment where I think I am "the highest creature". Instead, I feel ashamed when I realize in the end that maybe God meant to put his unique ending to his own handmade creation. This watery place would be so much better without any living creatures like human beings. Look at the ugly buildings we have made which we smugly call "WONDERS OF THE WORLD". The horizon would be seen much better and farther through clean air without them; we keep digging into the resources yet in the end we need to trade them with more blood and mutual hatred. We think we are the most advanced creatures but we always do the cruellest and nastiest things to EVERY OTHER CREATURE, and that just makes whatever we do spin into a even bigger vicious cycle. I feel really ashamed, and I do know that there's very little I can do, yet most that I do is just cowardly things to be exact. Yet, despite the fact I hate whatever we are doing, I can still see some good elements in this place. It is not that 100% dark and bad as I earlier mentioned. And yes, I can see although predictable and cliché, LOVE It could be dark and bad if you looked at it negatively. What I am trying to say is, I might not like this place at all, but I choose to believe that there's some hidden point that a higher being made us here.

I need some friends

I need some friends. Or at least to see some old ones.

I miss some of the friends I used to hang out with so God damn much.

Damn

Being a woman is not necessarily a good thing.

It's been almost a month again. And each month of this time around, I get easily irritated and feel quite insecure. I hate this feeling as my mood tends to go to a very deep dark and dangeroous place as if there's something eating me up. And every little thing can just jerk my mood up and down a lot more than usual. I really do not like this at all. This hormone is killing me soft and the people around me. I get now so over sensitive and there seems NOTHING I can do about it. I am now sitting around my colleagues yet I am thinking to myself that they just do not like me for no good obvious reason. I am pretending to listen to some my own music with my headset on and being freakingly quiet yet we all know it's just NOT me. I listened to a radio program the other day and they were talking about "if we could change the world, what would be the first thing you would like it to be different from now?" I have been trying to figure this question since then, now I guess I might just go AIN'T NO MALE AND FEMALE DIFFERENCES. So maybe this could ease my emotional pain.

I am thinking, quite seriously these days, is there really, really NO real friendship around offices? Are our colleagues just like what they often say, " Passengers on the same bus we meet."? I know a lot of the time I am quie naive and innocent but deep down I do believe that some people are good hearted. And of course I know every bright side comes along with a dark one as well. Just not everyone is bad nor completely good I mean. More like a twilight zone, that grey area. But I guess doesn't matter where we go, people will never change, we like to have our little own circle just to make us feel cozy and safe on the inside. So for those who were left out just feel isolated and unwanted. I am afraid right now by the effect of the female hormone I can not really tell you whether I am IN the circle or OUT of it or maybe just something in between.

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After we moved in to this current new house, I've been having quite a lot of "deja vu". I am not too sure of it's a good or bad sign. Yet one thing I am positive of is that I like this place day after day. Like Andrew said, "it's a very funtional place." Yes, it's really quite spacey and just because it was decoraed by the slightly different house modeling. I especially enjoy the view where we can just look much further out to other natural plain space rather than just some other ugly man made concrete walls from before. And the windy environment also makes the mopped floor and clothes dry up so quickly.

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Tonight our website designer, Ethan, is coming to talk the 3rd time of the website constructure. I guess it would be a quite promising project to our future. We both feel quite up to it.

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Paper Tiger

Paper tiger, as my title appears, has been an quite interesting subject manner for me to think about these days. Due to some consequences I am not too sure of what, but my colleagues started to call me a Paper Tiger-litterally means that I am only good at bluffing. Then I started to call my husband to be, Andrew, a paper tiger as well as he is often only screaming to the crazy drivers on the roads when he's mad.

Interesting.

What is your opinion of a REAL PAPER TIGER?

Can you believe it?

I've heard some people say that because a person is born in any a particular season then that person is mentally and even physically attached to that season. For me, it's quite factual. Every year in fall, I always get emotional and sentimental. It does not matter where I am, who I am with, what I do or what age I am, I simply get a sentimental feeling. There's always such a place deep within me that isolates myself from the crowded world, and in that place I can just talk to myself. No bullshit from interactions with others, no stress from reality. It's a place I call the 'REAL ME'. I can be a quiet girl, a noisy girl, and above all, just to be innocent like the way I have always been. It's really pure, clean, and peaceful place; a place that cannot physically exist.

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Time flies by, things are going on

Soon it will be 5 months since I started my current job. This is the first job I’ve done which does not give me a feeling of torture or disgust. Good news, I think.

As large part of my job, I need to drive around South Taiwan. Pretty much I could call my company Toyota van my 2ND office because I spend most of my time with her. Sometimes I even have to stay with her for 12 hours. For some, it could be nothing for fun, but for this job, I have to say, it is a bit over the top now and then.

Anyhow, I've learned to have fun with my job. I can drive around to find the goodies. The biggest benefit is that I can go to different places for the local tasty snacks. So far Andrew, Ya Hsing, and most of my colleagues have tasted this benefit.

However, driving alone can be very boring especially when the radio never stops spinning the same shit. But now it's not so bad as most of the time I have an Indonesian interpreter with me. She is similar in age so we get along very well. On a certain level I treat her like my own little sister. I don’t mean I boss her around, more take care of her and talk about young with her.

7 minutes to the start of the afternoon section of the day. I need to work 3 Saturday mornings straight, starting from tomorrow. Andrew thinks this job could be getting too much. I think as long as I can have some fun here and they keep putting money in the bank every month, I can overcome. Anyways.

Next time let me share some of my inspirations with ya whenever they across my mind.

Take care, n thanks for your time.

Hasta Luego~
靜月

I want you to feel at home with me!

This morning I woke up with an intensive feeling that I want to make this man lying next to me to feel he's got somewhere in this world called home. I know we do not have our own house yet but that does not mean that we cannot make a home together now.

universal clock

Human beings have a clock which can basically tell us when to eat, when to take a bus, when to go to work, when to go to sleep...etc.. But when can we have a special clock that can tell us when to finish a relationship? A clock that would give out a warning before we get hurt-- either by our partner or even the earth itself, such as an earthquake?

Insurance exits

I heard so-and-so told me one of his insurance companies wouldn't pay out and I guess this sort of shit is not new to any of us, is it? I'm thinking. if having insurance cannot really ensure us of anything, WHO can? After all, we pay for the god-damn insurance with our bloody sweat money. It seems that our money can not guarantee our own life/future. So money doesn't play the role "i can save your ass anytime" then. Sad, so many people assume Mr. All You Can Do can do it all, and they would risk their lives to get as much money as they can...it turned out money is still money, money is just the figures we most see in black-and-white in bank account book. Those numbers don't protect us the higher they are, give us more happiness we have, nor keep us healthier. But what are you gonna do? We are still doing exactly the same thing like the rest of the people in the world aredoing---running after fortune, until the day we all die. Be buried with our own bloody money. And they are really bloody, too bad we can not see it ourselves. WHY? WE ARE FUCKING DEAD!! THAT'S WHY!!!

the real greatest film

I think that God is the real director and we creatures are all his cast. e've got a really dramatic film going on here, day after night. He has seen the same story repeating itself for God knows how many years. He may have tried different ways to show "truth" to his cast, like the ending and everything we all should be aware of. But all his cast, say most of us, are just big dickheads, we refuse to listen. So now the director has maybe decided to take back his story and rewrite it. How would he finish this story?

been all the way wrong

This guy has had this huge crash over this naive girl for years. She always knows he's there for her, but she chooses someone she thought is "better". He dreams about being rich someday so he could offer her anything she desires, yet he might not know someday his wealth could bring him invisible troubles--troubles make him suffer for being too wealthy.

He told me one day, "True love needed to be assured before anyone becomes rich, NOT after!!"

"So tell me boy, why are so many wealthy people have the choice of the "good girls"?"

"I don't know, maybe that's not true love."

"But whoever you will meet is wrtten down in the history. It's fate."

"Huh, if that's what you believe in, why don't you let go?"

"Let go? Let go how?? and why should i let go?"

"Try to find someone else in your destiny book boy, I'm sure this move will make your life more colorful."

"ok."

raining in the north, sunny in the south end

Isn't that amazing when you see a photo from someones childhood, crying faces, innocent smiles. And, when you look at this child whose now turned into adult, all that thoughts they have, the shit they went through. It's just thrilling to see how time can change a person--physically and mentally. It's just not funny.

Time goes by and comes back

There's a trash collecting time that comes twice a day in our neighborhood. Once in the early afternoon, the other a late one of course. So, I have been thinking, we human beings can clean our domestic trash with the trash collector, but how do we clean up the trash which is within ourself for such a long time? I often look into my mental unwanted belongings, seeing them sitting there for decades, now soon going to be the 3rd one. They are still there reminding me of whatever I have done in my life. So many things I would love to let go if 110%. Yet, it seems to be a never ending and an impossible thing to accomplish. I've seen a film called "Eraser", I wish sometimes I could have an eraser to erase those things I want to forget. But it is just never really going to happen in my life time dream.

Every good thing has to come to an end...and it's NOT even good this time!!

SO.....I sort of quit my job and they sort of let me go as well. This morning when I woke up, I came to my senses, then the first thing was "I'm unemployeed"--I wish I was still in bed dreaming, I really freaking did! I've been hearing this in my head, "I'm a loser, I'm a loser." I am now a 25 year old gal and still act like someone who's in their teens, or say 5, which is pretty sad. Yes, SAD. I still remember that I told myself, and even my friends to that I, Jing Yueh, wanted to give my job at least 2 years. 2 YEARS!! NOT fuckin' 5 months!! But now it's all too late! Yeah, TOO late!! There's no point looking back, the only cure to look around me and look forward. AM I A LOSER?!

White Valentine's Day

Somehow those sneeky businessmen in Japan just figured out another way to boost up their business....another Valentine's day. They thought it would be cool to have another V-day....not to me though. However, Andrew andI still went celebrate it a wee bit and had Itailain food for lunchk. The funny thing is that this time I paid for the lunch!!! Oh well, and only realized that I forgot to bring my purse just at the cashiers. Shame on me, yet so typical.

No bra holiday!!

It just hit me that it might be quite cool for the government to issue a "No Bra Holiday"-and of course, on that day all the women would be free from wearing bras!! I just to hope some of them wouldn't come out of their homes wearing transparent or easy-see-through tops!!! OH MY GOD... Men's heaven day!!!

Turning my cheek

So...it's a brand new leaf for me. Staying in the hospital for 5 days was not a thing you or me can joke about. 'Cause it ain't funny at all!! As soon I was forced to stay, I immediately realized that actually, Health itself IS THE FORTUNE we already have. There's nothing more valuable than staying health. Poeple may have all that money and material life they dream about, but once their life is over, it's game O-V-E-R!! Things go back to the very start--nothing we can possilbly bring with us to our death we can take away along with our spirits. SO.... This morning I got up to a very joyful mood and felt like I could do anything and for the first time from a very long time, it felt great to know I am actually breathing. Maybe it had something to do with that I went to the gym yesterday and I have been away from depressive work and all that unnecessary stress for nearly 2 weeks. The break really helped!! And of course, my awesome love life.